Monster Megalodon Movies Part 1


Back in the 70's and 80's the  'Jaws' series taught us that sharks grow to 40 feet, eat helicopters, raise their heads above the water to roar at their prey, hunt in 4 feet of water, and attack cruise ships. With that in mind the spat of recent megalodon films has revealed some shockingly new devlopments in the shark world,  now not only can sharks grow to 65 feet + but can change size at any given notice, they can fly, easily eat 747 airplanes, and attack oil rigs, super tankers, and aircraft carriers. Yet they still hunt teenagers in 4 feet of water and raise their heads above the water to roar.

Complaining about goofy CGI or story lines in a monster megalodon/ shark movie “is useless. The basic fact that these kind of movies have these treats for us makes them fun to watch and if you have problems with the fore-mentioned goofy parts this isn't the right type of movie for you. but if this stuff is totally your bag, then here is part one of the ultimate mega monster megalodon movie list ....


Snow Shark

Snow Shark (2011)

Directed by Sam Qualiana.

Cast: Sam Qualiana, Michael O’Hear, Jackey Hall , Kathy Murphy, CJ Wualiana, Andrew Elias.

Tagline: Ancient Snow Beast Modern Killing Machine.

Snow Shark is – according to its press release: “the outrageous and spine-tingling tale of the world’s greatest predator, frozen for thousands of years, freed by an earthquake, and really, really hungry! In 1999, a team of animal biologists investigating a rash of wildlife killings disappeared in the lonely woods near a small town. Years later, a local resident claims to have killed a prehistoric carnivorous creature living in the snow. Now, someone – or something – is making lunch of the locals…”

A prehistoric shark of local legend begins eating the locals in a quiet wintry small town. Mike Evans the sole survivor of a past snow shark attack, leads an angry and armed posse who are determined to slay the beast. Writer/director Qualiana treats the gloriously ludicrous premise in a sidesplitting mock serious manner:


The abundant cheesy gore (the CGI blood in particular is quite tacky), a hilariously obvious shark puppet, poky pacing, the monotonous hum'n'shiver synthesizer score, lousy (markedly less than) special effects, cardboard stock characters, a decent smattering of tasty gratuitous distaff nudity, crude cinematography, and the meandering narrative all give this exquisitely abominable baby a certain chintzy hokey charm that's impossible to either resist or dislike.
 The endearingly awful acting by the lame no-name cast further adds to this picture's considerable kitschy appeal, with stand-out stinky work by Michael O'Hear as the no-nonsense Prof. Jonathan Hoffman, Jackey Hall as the feisty Daphne, C.J. Qualiana as the morose Sheriff Donald Chapman, Kathy Murphy as the tart Wendy, Andrew Elias as nerdy crypto-zoologist Lincoln Anderson, Andy Taylor as obnoxious macho redneck hunter Cameron Caine, and Robert Bozak as the jerky Mayor Shawn Overman. A complete crummy hoot.



2-Headed Shark Attack
2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)
Directed by Christopher Ray, son of Fred Olen Ray.
Cast: Carmen Electra, Charlie O’Connell (jerry’s brother) and Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk Hogan.
Tagline: 1 Body, 2 Heads and 6,000 Teeth.

Terror takes a ghastly form when a gigantic two-headed shark sinks a ship full of students, and the survivors wash up on a tiny atoll. But just when the kids think they're safe, a tsunami sweeps them back into the deep to face the twin jaws anew, No one is safe from the double ‘jaws’ of the monster
2-Headed Shark Attack is a horror film from The Asylum, The plot goes like any other average teen horror movie. You expect since they are on the water, a shark will show up. Well, if you would assume that, then you are only partially right. What you probably didn't expect is that the shark would have two heads, which is what really sets this movie apart from the rest. It is a completely original ground-breaking idea that will be setting the standards for film makers for years to come.
Things start to go wrong, to the surprise of me and I'm sure everyone else who watched this film. The characters eventually get onto an island, which led me to believe that they were safe. This let me catch my breath for a slight second, only to have it taken away again by the twist that the island was sinking! After that detail was revealed, I was on the edge of my seat for the rest of the movie.
The actors gave some of the best performances I have ever seen, especially Carmen Electra as the doctor. I didn't think she was a doctor, but I guess I was wrong. She pulled it off better than any actress in the history of film could.

The idea of a two headed shark in this movie is absolutely genius. It is an idea never before seen in a movie. The idea scared the hell out of me! I couldn't wrap the idea of a two headed shark around my head, so I started putting things together. I thought, "Okay, two headed shark. This means twice the eyes so it can see twice as well. Twice the brains so twice as smart. Also, twice the smell and senses of a normal one headed shark. And...NO WAY!!! TWICE THE TEETH!"
  
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)
Directed by John Shepphird. Written by Michael Ciminera and Richard Gnolfo.
Cast: Paul Sorvino, Jeremy Luke, Jack Scalia and Melissa Molinaro.
Tagline: Your worst fears will surface!

Many years ago, hundreds of locals and tourists were massacred by giant man-eating sharks in the infamous 1916 Jersey Shore attacks. But that’s just a legend… or is it? It’s a holiday weekend on the Jersey Shore and, unbeknownst to anyone, underwater drills have attracted dozens of albino bull sharks to the pier. When a man goes missing, TC (The Complication), Nookie and friends fear the worst and plead with the police chief to close down the beach. It isn’t until a famous singer is eaten alive during a performance on the pier that the shark hunt begins. Now, the Preppies must work together with the Guidos in order to save the Jersey Shore and its inhabitants from another vicious slaughter…
A plot summary is pretty useless, but I'll go ahead anyway, in one sentence: During the Fourth of July weekend, prehistoric, deep-sea albino bull sharks are terrorizing Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and it's up to the hard-partying members of a "Jersey Shore"-like reality TV show to stop them. That's it. Although it's unlikely that you could ever count on the drunken beach-goers of Seaside Heights to save the day from man-eating sharks,
"Jersey Shore Shark Attack's" merits come from its knowing self-awareness of its source material. The trick is combining the two sources effectively, and it does so. The movie begins like "Jaws" in its first five minutes, before going on to "Jersey Shore"-like
debauchery and shenanigans with Shore-house cast-mate TC/"The Complication" (Jeremy Luc) waking up in bed after a drunken one-night stand with a bikini-clad local floozy, followed by a wet-&-wild wet T-shirt contest at a local bar. Things climax with a bar-room brawl between the Shore-house cast-mates and a group of upper-crust college grads, before comfortably moving back into "Jaws" territory when an ensuing foot-chase between the two conflicting parties down the boardwalk ends with one of the drunken locals becoming shark food.
The CGI special effects are pretty poor, but there are some spectacularly bloody shark attacks that are way more likely to elicit gut-busting laughs than screams.  The keys to its marginal success are its attempts at combining "Jaws" with the outlandish antics of "Jersey Shore," complete with the requisite gory animal attacks of the former and the bad-American stereotypes, complete with a Snooki like character delightfully called "Nooki".

Jurassic Shark
Jurassic Shark (2012)
Directed by: Brett Kelly
Cast: Emanuelle Carriere, Christine Emes, and Celine Filion.
Tagline: Dinosaur From The Deep
Jurassic Shark is a 2012 Canadian action/horror monster film
When an oil company has unwittingly unleashed a prehistoric shark from its icy prison, the Jurassic killer maroons a group of art thieves and a group of beautiful young college students on an abandoned piece of land. The two opposing groups are forced to do what they can to survive or become food for the not-quite-extinct shark!
Let's start with the storyline. A company is drilling for oil in a lake, and apparently drilled through a large


chunk of ice, releasing a prehistoric shark from within. Yeah, alright, been done before, but sure, why not one more time. Makes for your average run of the mill shark movie, so it works out well enough. But let's back it up a little bit, shall we. They drilled through ice? But the lake apparently wasn't cold water, as people were there swimming and having fun at the beach. It just doesn't make any sense.
It wasn't all bad though. The movie was so cheesy and campy that it was actually fun to watch. And the three youngsters played by Emanuelle Carriere (playing Jill), Christine Emes (playing Tia) and Celine

Filion (playing Kristen) actually did some alright acting compared to the other people in the movie.
For a low budget shark movie, then "Jurassic Shark" was actually a rather good production. The cinematography was good and the editing was adequate. The movie just suffered from a bad and implausible storyline. and the ending to the movie; priceless! Two guys sitting on some rocks at the water, drinking beer talking about one of the guy's stepdaughter and wife, and then says "Even big, ugly things can have offspring". What happens then? Come on, doesn't take much intellect to figure it out. I will not say it, even though it is so painstakingly obvious. Watch the ending, it was so hilarious


MegaShark Versus Crocosaurus
Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus (2010)
Directed by: Christopher Ray, son of Fred Olen Ray.
Cast: Jaleel White,(Steve Urkel) Gary Stretch, Robert Picardo, Dylan Vox, Hannah Cowley and Sarah Lieving.
Tagline: Whoever wins... we lose!
A megalodon battles with a Crocosaurus causing massive destruction. The US Army has to try and destroy the havoc creating monsters…
Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus is a monster disaster film by The Asylum, The film is a sequel to the 2009 film Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus but contains little of the original cast from that film. After its titanic battle with the Giant Octopus, the world had only one question -- what would happen if the Mega Shark did battle with a 1500 foot giant crocodile? Well, luckily, we know the answer, as "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus" is finally released!


Easily mistaken for a documentary, this film follows a band of intrepid heroes -- an oceanic sound engineer (played by Jaleel White, yup, "Urkel") who knows about sharks, a drunken hunter who knows about crocodiles, and an uptight FBI agent who is also a helicopter pilot and wears a tight tank top -- as they chase the two monsters around the globe.
The plot is straightforward; while mining diamonds in the Congo, workers unleash a giant crocodile. Meanwhile, the Mega Shark has returned and apparently finds crocodile eggs indescribably delicious. Thus, the tension between the two beasts. The top-of-the-line special effects will blow your mind as we follow the story from Miami Beach to Orlando to California to the Panama Canal. The Mega Shark is up to its old tricks (eating boats, jumping out of the water to attack planes, etc.) and the Crocosaurus will live in your nightmares as you watch it trample through cities.


  

Sand Sharks

Sand Sharks (2011)

Directed by: Mark Atkins 

Cast: Corin Nemec,(Parker Lewis) Brooke Hogan (Hulk Hogan offspring) and Vanessa Lee Evigan.

Tagline: Just When You Thought You Were Safe Out of the Water

Prehistoric sand-dwelling sharks are unleashed on the island of White Sands when an underwater earthquake cracks open a crater deep beneath the ocean surface. The most menacing beasts to ever rule the waters now rule the sand; with their monster appetites they mercilessly feast on anything that crosses their path…


The story of this one is rather self-explanatory. The makers did make the smart move to not show the beasties too much - however, lots of people get munched on- and what we did see was the usual clunky CGI, mostly fins and sharks popping out of the..mmh.. Sand (really, how anybody can resist that with “Tremors" or "Blood beach" in their nostalgia bag I don't know).


We have the usual town festival on the beach and we have the colourful figures that run around between the sand shark attacks. And those figures are colourful, we have a guy channelling a Johnny Depp impersonation, we have the Robert Shaw derivative with even the exact same way of talking and last but not least. Brooke Hogan as a shark expert. And everyone is in on the joke, nobody takes themselves or the story really serious and the acting - for this kind of movie- is above par. And you need that in a movie like this were there isn't enough budget to do great action scenes or big set pieces.



And truth to be told, Brook isn't doing a bad job. I remember seeing asylum movies with 80's singers like Tiffany that were a hell of a lot worse. She doesn't have to make room for any Oscars in the near future but she does an okay job (which she also did in " 2 headed shark attack"). I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody is going to believe that she is a shark expert even if her life depended on it but she delivers the lines and on this level movie wise her acting chops are more than enough.



Sharktopus

Sharktopus  (2010)

Directed by: Declan O’Brien and produced by Roger Corman and Julie Corman. It

Cast: Eric Roberts (from everything B- grade), Sara Malakul Lane and Kerem Bursin.

Tagline: Half-Shark. Half -Octopus. All Terror.

The U.S. Navy commissions a group known as “Blue Water” to genetically engineer a half-shark, half-octopus for combat. During a demonstration off Santa Monica, the Sharktopus escapes the control of its creators and causes mayhem. Hunted by Blue Water and a television crew, the monster attacks numerous beach-goers.

The plot is that a team of father and daughter marine biologists create a half shark, half octopus to use as a weapon for the navy. Then the remote control mechanism is knocked off and the Sharktopus goes on a killing rampage. Captain Jack (the creator of Sharktopus) higher Andy Flynn, an Iraq war veteran, to capture the monster. But when Andy
nearly gets killed and loses two of his friends he vows revenge.
There you have it. This is not supposed to be the next Jaws or even Deep Blue Sea... Apparently the director told the actors to be wooden and show very little emotion. I just wish that actors would react to seeing the killings. Whenever someone is eaten or torn apart in the movie whoever was witnessing it didn't react. They just stand there with a stupid look on their face. At least scream or try to help the victim. The production is minimal. The props appear to be objects the actors brought from home. The special effect is also bad with Sharktopus constantly changing size. In one scene he's big enough to eat VW Bug, in a later scene he is as big as a human. There are also scenes where the monster is walking out on land. Now I am not a marine biologist, but I am pretty sure that sharks or octopuses can't survive outside of water. In order to enjoy it loosen up and get a sense of humour.



Swamp Shark

Swamp Shark aka Frying Jaws (2011)
Directed by: Griff Furst
Cast: Kristy Swanson, ( the original Buffy) D. B. Sweeney, Robert Davi, Jason Rogel, Sophia Sinise, (Gary Sinise's daughter) Richard Tanne, and Jeff Chase
Tagline: “This isn’t a normal shark! It swims! It kills! And it’s out there!”
Its summer in the gorgeous swamplands of the Atchafalaya Basin. Lots of beautiful teens are at the beach the weekend before Gator Fest. That night an animal smuggling deal goes wrong and a large sea creature escapes into a swampy backwoods river. At the McDaniel’s “Gator Shack” restaurant, a local, Jackson is drunk, and gets mangled to bits. The town sheriff blames the carnage on the McDaniel’s “escaped” pack of gators and tries hauling them off to jail. Rachel McDaniel, head of the family, claims to have seen the fin of a shark! Rachel and her family, along with the help of a mysterious stranger, Charlie, take on the Swamp Shark and the law to clear their names, save Rachel’s kid sister Krystal and prevent the unwitting folks at the upcoming Gator Fest from being torn to shreds by a beast the likes of which no one has ever seen!


Staring the original BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Kristy Swanson as Rachel Broussard, the owner of the Gator Shack restaurant located right next to the swamplands of the Atchafalaya Basin. She runs the restaurant with her younger sister Krystal (Sophie Sinise, Gary Sinise's daughter). All and all it’s a pretty decent creature feature, like most of these usually are, and gets some good points to it. There's a couple rather fun stalking scenes in the swamps, taking full advantage of the situation with the creepy swamp used to make for some really tense moments, the shark actually looks really good and has some scenes where it's a full-live shark, prop and not CGI, making for some really impressive scenes and the finale, set during a town carnival-type event, is a lot of fun.

There's even a rather nice sequence where the family sets out to hunt the creature out in open waters, giving the middle segment some pretty enjoyable action with the different tactics employed and the shark being able to outwit them. Its one weak area is that there are not a lot of actual shark attacks going on, and while it's not noticeable to the plot or pacing, it does lower the gore quotient somewhat since there are not a whole lot of attacks at all. With a lack of explanation as to what the shark is and where it came from also hurting this one, the flaws that do appear aren't enough to knock this one off.
Swamp Shark is harmless and it isn’t terrible. All the actors seem to be having fun, none of them put in a truly terrible performance, the characters you want to die end up dying, and the ending is silly, over-the-top fun.



Sharknado
Sharknado (2013)
Directed by:  Anthony C Ferrante.
Cast: John Heard, Cassie Scerbo, Ian Ziering (Steve off 90210) Jaason Simmons (one of those Aussie guys off early Baywatch) and Tara Reid.
Tagline: Enough said!
When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, nature's deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air as thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace.
Sharknado is produced by The Asylum and the guy responsible for the screenplay is Thunder Levin, whose previous writing credits include Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood! 
A prologue shows a fishing crew hacking of fins intended for soup in the Far East and tossing the dying sharks back into the Mexican Ocean. A storm overwhelms the boat and the crew are all eaten by sharks.

A freak hurricane apparently caused by global warming hits Los Angeles, causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in tornadoes and flooding the city with shark-infested seawater. Surfer and bar-owner Fin (Ziering) sets out with his friends Baz (Jaason Simmons) and Nova (Scerbo) to rescue his ex misses April (Reid) and teenage daughter. He succeeds but April’s boyfriend is eaten by the sharks. The group meet up with Matt the adult son of Fin and April, who is in flying school. They decide to try to stop the threat of the incoming “sharknadoes” by tossing bombs into them from helicopters.
This movie swims its way ever further into the realms of the jawbone dropping bizarre, with several key scenes to be on the lookout for. Look for the random one-in-a-million rescue near the end, and the wacky idea the heroes use to try and save the day. This sort of chaos is common throughout the entire movie.

Super Shark

Super Shark (2011)
Directed by:  Fred Olen Ray
Cast: John Schneider (Bo of Dukes of Hazzard), Sarah Lieving, Tim Abell
Tagline: That's one big ass shark

An offshore drilling accident releases a giant primordial shark. When the shark flies and walks on land threatening to turn a bikini contest into a bloodbath, marine biologist Kat Carmichael arrives to destroy the shark and save beach-goers. Her efforts are stymied by corporate bad guy Roger Wade and his flunky Stewart who are only interested in their own agenda of money, money, money. With time running out for beach loving humans, Carmichael recruits heroic skipper Chuck and fearless disc jockey Dynamite Stevens to help her blast the blood thirsty shark back to a watery grave.


To summarize your typical attack: A couple of stereotypical beach types, usually scantily-clad young women of questionable repute, stand around on the beach engaging in banal conversation ... and the shark

JUMPS on the beach and CHEWS his victims! And doesn't even use his teeth! Maybe he chews with his uvula? As an added bonus, you get to see Jimmie Walker. Yes, Jimmie Walker, as in "Dy- no-mite! Off the Good Times from the 70’s" And he actually uses this line several times!



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